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Umbrello

aka Umby

  • I live in Umby's World
  • I am a potato

Welcome

Hi, welcome to Creepypasta Wiki! Thanks for your edit to the The Follower: Paul's Story page.

Please be sure to check out all the Site Rules, as it is important to follow them. Failure to abide by them may result in your account being blocked.

Read some new pastas by checkin g out the article index or browse by topic by checking out the Genre Listing.

Please leave a message on my talk page if I can help with anything!

EmpyrealInvective (talk) 12:29, July 12, 2014 (UTC)

Re

How is "trying to going to sleep" more correct than "trying to go to sleep"? Unless I misread the diff page, you undid a good edit. Dashie ~20% Cooler~ 04:28, July 23, 2014 (UTC)

Oh, you got it backwards. I actually did that too on one. You undid the good revision thinking it was the bad one. Umbrello (talk) 04:29, July 23, 2014 (UTC)



On that note, I did. Sorry. Dashie ~20% Cooler~ 04:30, July 23, 2014 (UTC)

I seriously did the same thing before, and it was multiple errors that unfixed and had to re-fix, lol.

Fine

Well, I understand that editing is an important thing, and that's why I don't just use spellcheckers all the way. I actually read the story, and then I detect mistakes and I try to correct them.

You're right about the phrase you mentioned and the incorrect edit on your pasta (except for some incomplete punctuation from dialogue). However, I did fix quite a lot of mistakes from the latest pastas. They we pretty basic, and then I fixed some weird phrasing as well.

I appreciate your worry about editing, and I'll try to avoid incorrect editing in the future.

Also, just a reminder. Don't forget to put your signature next time you leave a message in someone's talk page.

Marconi plays the mamba Listen to the radio! 18:03, July 23, 2014 (UTC)

You definitely do a lot of necessary edits to grammar, spelling, and puncuation that other people don't bother doing (myself included). The reason I thought you maybe didn't read everything was things like changing 'agreeance' to 'grievance', putting a question mark when there's no question, or taking slang out of dialogue. I'm trying not to seem like an overly critical douche, so I hope I'm not, lol. I just want to be clear that a lot of the edits aren't so easy to spot as incorrect without re-reading the entire pasta after making the changes. And I will try to remember my signature. I haven't written much on people's talk pages yet. Umbrello (talk) 18:28, July 23, 2014 (UTC)

Deletions and You

If you feel a story isn't up to Quality Standards, violates the rule against Spinoff/Blacklisted subjects, is horribly formatted, cliched, is a spam page, or anything else. Feel free to tag it with the "Delete Now" category or better yet use this: {{Deletenow|REASON WHY IT SHOULD BE DELETED}} and just edit it in at the top of the story explaining why. Giving a reason helps admins/VCROC(K)s zero in on the issue easier.

We're trying to do quality control, but every now and then something sub-standard slips through. Any help you can give would be appreciated.

It's perfectly fine for users to tag problematic stories with "Delete Now". Also if you have any questions about how the site works, its rules, what users can/shouldn't do, any questions really just drop me a line and I'll try and answer them if I'm capable. If not, I can point you towards someone who would likely know.

EmpyrealInvective (talk) 23:37, July 26, 2014 (UTC)

Review Request!

I'm in the process of publishing my story The Soldier in a serial style (currently up to part 5).  I've gotten exactly 0 spontaneous feedback on it so I'm starting to take matters into my own hands by asking reviews of people I know are active and give good constructive criticism.  If you have some time and don't mind, I'd love it if you'd take a look.  Thanks!

Shadowswimmer77 (talk) 02:06, July 27, 2014 (UTC)

Template Madness!

Here's a few helpful templates you might want to use on your series.

The first: {{By-user|Umbrello}} that'll put a licensing agreement and a link to your user page.

The second:

{{nav-bottom
 |prev=Title of previous story
 |next=Title of next story (once it has been uploaded)
}}

Your choice if you want to use those templates or not, I'm going through some of my older series and including it to make it easier to read them in order. Keep at it, interested to see how it ends.

EmpyrealInvective (talk) 21:19, July 28, 2014 (UTC)

Happy birthday, hope you're having a good one. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 23:45, July 30, 2014 (UTC)

Thanks

Hey there! I'd like to thank you for the review you made on my "first" story and for telling me that editing advice you made last month. I think without that advice I wouldn't be doing a good job as a rollbacker, and I'm glad to see that someone pointed out many errors from my story :b. I know that this message might sound silly, but I have the feeling that you deserve credit.

You're always on my mind... You're always on my mind... 22:43, August 10, 2014 (UTC)

Rollback

Project:Requests for Rollback/Umbrello

Go for it. Dashie ~20% Cooler~ 19:59, August 16, 2014 (UTC)

A rollback is a group right where users can rename pages, get by the abuse filter (the thing that rejects you from editing a blacklisted subject page [like a Slenderman themed page]), and get a fancy button that can revert vandalism/a mass series of bad edits on one page by one user. So, yeah. Go for it. You seem like a worthy candidate. Do you hear that? That's the grape roaring 20:21, August 16, 2014 (UTC)
Pretty much. Go for it. We need all the help we can get. Dashie ~20% Cooler~ 20:45, August 16, 2014 (UTC)
Oh yeah, please do it. You'd be a great rollbacker around here, since we still have a few inactive ones who just edited something once to avoid demotion, and you have great editing skills.Why do we scream at each other? This is what it sounds like when doves cry 23:01, August 16, 2014 (UTC)

This probably has been said to you a million times, but...

...Y U NO APPLY FOR ROLLBACK Y-u-no-guy.png Do you hear that? That's the grape roaring 22:32, October 2, 2014 (UTC)

Completely understood. But Rollback doesn't really have that much responsibilities on here like VCROC or Admin; the right is similar to a regular user, but they get to rename pages and have a button that reverts vandalism on a page by one user—like the undo button, except it's faster and can revert mass series of vandalism. It's your choice if you want to apply or not, but you have a few supporters behind you. Do you hear that? That's the grape roaring 23:10, October 2, 2014 (UTC)

The Movie You Mentioned

You brought up a certain movie on my "Seriously!?" Revenge Movies blog.  I was morbidly curious, though not enough to see the actual film.  I went to the page on the Internet Movie Database, and while I didn't find any spoilers, I did see "wiping booger on someone" and "picking nose" on the list of keywords.  ~holds head~ Tell me, am I putting two and two together successfully here?  Raidra (talk) 15:14, November 26, 2014 (UTC)

Oh, okay. Thanks for clearing that up. Can't you imagine? "Remember that time you wiped off a booger on someone eight years ago? Well, guess what..." Raidra (talk) 01:07, November 27, 2014 (UTC)

A little help?

Hey, thanks for reverting that edit. The user has since been banned. I know it can be a pain, but if someone vandalizes a page and you revert it, could you let an admin know so they can ban the user? Unfortunately not being banned/warned, results in more vandalism from the user. Once again, thanks. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 19:10, December 6, 2014 (UTC)

No problem! Please revert any edit you come across that is negative, it helps the wiki out a lot. If you find the time, just check to make sure someone is addressing the situation as we've had situations where a vandal has been active for a few days and vandalized multiple pages. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 19:32, December 6, 2014 (UTC)

Hello man Sorry for my crappy pasta add I'm working a new pasta with the same creature I hope you will like it but this time it's very original

--Danny Parker (talk) 12:03, December 25, 2014 (UTC)

Hey Umbry,

I've hit the milestone of 10,000 words for my detective noir pasta.  I have just begun to scratch the surface!  It's going to be long.  I have a detective friend who helped me with some details and gave me some good insight on the standard proceedures of a murder scene and investigation.  I posted what I have in the writers workshop.  It's there when you get the time.  Again, I welcome any feedback, critique, advice.  Thanks again!

Hey, wanted to let you know Pasta Noir is done!!  Posted it today.  Let me know your thoughts in the comments.  Thanks!


Review Request

Hello.

Someone suggested I should ask for your help in reviewing this new story of mine called "The Gorgon's Smile." It is currently on the Writer's Workshp. Although it got a few positive reviews, I'm kind of worried it might get rejected on the main wikia for not being Creepypasta enough. I was wondering if you ever get the time, would you mind taking a good look at it? It's rather long, by the way.

http://creepypasta.wikia.com/wiki/Thread:416018

--Mmpratt99 deviantart (talk) 02:31, January 18, 2015 (UTC)

Rollback

Have you thought about applying for rollback? You don't have the necessary article edits, but we (the admins) have been discussing amongst ourselves and think you'd be a good fit for said rights.

In case you don't know, rollbackers can move pages, bypass the abuse filter and undo all of the most recent edits to a page by one user. Regards, Underscorre - Talk to Me 09:08, January 18, 2015 (UTC)

He already said before he does not want to have any responsabilities. As we sit here alone, looking for a reason to go on, it's so clear that all we have now, are our thoughts of yesterday. 12:01, January 18, 2015 (UTC)
Sorry, didn't notice that. Forget I asked :) Underscorre - Talk to Me 12:06, January 18, 2015 (UTC)
LOL Umbrello (talk) 01:03, January 19, 2015 (UTC)

Grave Robbers

I left a description of my micropasta in the comments section. I hope it'll help you understand it more. ColorlessAngelz (talk) 05:47, January 31, 2015 (UTC)

Thanks

Thanks for pointing that out. It is technically vandalism, but not enough to warrant a block, so I've warned the guy & reverted the edit you were concerned about. Have a good day :) He's not the Messiah! He's a very naughty boy! 17:33, February 5, 2015 (UTC)

em dash

I noticed your message on Humboldt's talk page and wanted to tell you there is an em dash you can add by clicking the little 'More' with a plus sign at the top of the editor (source mode) and then clicking the second dash after the word 'Insert'. This will insert an em dash wherever your cursor is.

Jay Ten (talk) 19:39, March 3, 2015 (UTC)

Looking for an artist

Hi, Umby.  You are an artist, aren't you?  Didn't you do all those drawings on your page?  Well, I don't know if you've been following my quest to earn the coveted Bat Shit Crazy badge, but I am looking for someone to design a creepypasta tattoo for me.  I'm not a bad artist myself, and I could just go right to the tattoo artist, but I thought it would be great to get the art from a true creepypasta lover.  If you are game, please let me know HumboldtLycanthrope (talk) 02:54, March 4, 2015 (UTC)

Feeling stupid

It looked like Magna but when I did a google search all that came up was you and your pastas.   Duh.  Know any good artists on the wiki?HumboldtLycanthrope (talk) 03:18, March 4, 2015 (UTC)

Junji Ito

Hey, I noticed from your page you like Junji Ito. He's one of my favorites. What's your fave story by him? "The good mean well. We just don't always end up doing well." ~ Isaac (talk) 21:01, March 4, 2015 (UTC)

Re:Re:Junji Ito

Yup, it is indeed awesome to meet another Ito fan as well. I'd say that Slug Girl was probably my favorite short story by him. For me that story truly kind of hits the nail on the head with just how bleak horror can (and usually should) be. I'll check out your story sometime around too. :) --"The good mean well. We just don't always end up doing well." ~ Isaac (talk) 02:50, March 5, 2015 (UTC)

Fairytale

I have just written the sweetest little fairytale.  It is just charming.  Enjoy hehehe Rumplestilskin HumboldtLycanthrope (talk) 22:40, March 5, 2015 (UTC)

Hey again

Just thought I'd let you know, I'm working on a story based on Junji Ito as well (and J-horror in general). It also features a bookworm character but in a totally different way of course. I'll get back to you when it's finished. --"The good mean well. We just don't always end up doing well." ~ Isaac (talk) 01:38, March 6, 2015 (UTC)

Cliches?

Hi, Umby.  I am looking for cliches for my collaborative cliche blog.  Got any good ones?  I'd love to hear what a great writer such as yourself has to offer.  Post here Words!   HumboldtLycanthrope (talk) 03:10, March 9, 2015 (UTC)

New Micro

I just wrote a micro.  300 words.  It's a silly little thing but I thought you might want to read it.  The Fearless Vampire Killing Brothers   HumboldtLycanthrope (talk) 19:02, March 10, 2015 (UTC)

New Pasta

I have just completed a story for Koromo's mythology challenge:  Sons of Odin.  I do not believe it will disappoint.  HumboldtLycanthrope (talk) 19:24, March 21, 2015 (UTC)

Can you view my new writers board story. My parents.--Christopher Michael Richardson (talk) 21:19, June 3, 2015 (UTC)

For a moment, I was wondering if it was a nickname. Unfortunately I'm writing a bit myself tonight and really didn't have time to sit down and read it. I'll put it on my list though. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 01:07, June 4, 2015 (UTC)
Welp that was much better than when I was younger and made a number of typos in a short story class involving my protagonist "Tuck". EmpyrealInvective (talk) 01:16, June 4, 2015 (UTC)

You got it bro!

I'll take a look at it tonight and leave you some feedback. 

Best,

Banningk1979 (talk) 01:45, June 5, 2015 (UTC)

Yep, I am kinda doing that. My story is still on writers workshop. It's called Todd's Survival. I need help find grammar errors, as spelling I believe is fine. Can you help me?--Christopher Michael Richardson (talk) 17:38, June 6, 2015 (UTC)

Yep, I am kinda doing that. My story is still on writers workshop. It's called Todd's Survival. I need help find grammar errors, as spelling I believe is fine. Can you help me?--Christopher Michael Richardson (talk) 17:44, June 6, 2015 (UTC)

Thanks for the help. By the way, is this better. http://creepypasta.wikia.com/wiki/Thread:468518. Thanks again.

Thank you for the amazing reviews

Hey,

I really apprciate all the awesome feedback you left on my first two Tobit stories. That level of appreciation really motivates me to keep producing these stories. 

If you haven't already, I would love some feedback from you on the remainder of the Tobit series. Start here, Tobit: The Bleeding Sky and just keep following the links at the bottom of the stories.

Thanks a million for your support and feedback,

Banningk1979 (talk) 21:01, June 6, 2015 (UTC)

My pleasure! I'm looking forward to reading the rest of it. I read two last night, and hope to read two more tonight. Gotta leave time for my nightly movie. Last night it was "Coherence". I highly recommend it! Oh, and if you haven't seen it, I also recommend "As Above, So Below"! Watched that the night before last. Total tangent sorry, lol. Umbrello (talk) 21:11, June 6, 2015 (UTC)

It's all good

I went over and read the message, glad that you're getting into the series. I hope to have the next installment out this month. Work though has been really hectic. Both of our senior department heads had to leave on personal business, and likely won't be back until next month, so we've been scrambling to run things without upper management. 

I did see As Above, So Below, and it is easily one of the best horror movies I have seen in years. It was done so well that I actually felt dissapointed when it was over. 

Again, thanks for your support and feedback,

Banningk1979 (talk) 21:20, June 6, 2015 (UTC)

New Tobit Chapter

Hey,

New Tobit story is out, please check it out and leave me some feedback.

Tobit: Hiya Toby and the Unwashed

Thanks,

--Banningk1979 (talk) 04:38, June 24, 2015 (UTC)

A Review

Hey there! I saw your comments on The Parasite We're Born With and I have to say I agree with you. It's definitely not one of the better things I've written. Although I will say I cannot tell the difference between Sour Patch Kids. I think I have a poor sense of taste, lol. Anyway, I was hoping you might be willing to take a look at my most recent story The Possession Complex and give me some feedback. I'm trying to get better with writing horror and I'd appreciate anything you might have to say about it. It is pretty long so I understand if you don't have the time to get to it. But again thanks for the feedback! Jurodinhero (talk) 21:56, July 6, 2015 (UTC)Jurodinhero

CAT

Thanks very much for your comment on 'The Cat'.

How accurately did you guess that ending? And why did shit melt after I called the police? I want to know.

LUCAS THE PERVY DRUNK CAT ➾ babe let’s get high together 17:49, July 13, 2015 (UTC)

Spiderland

Ack! A glitch made me write this twice.  Okay, great story, I loved it and am writing a kick ass review right now.  But, whoa, dude, what's up with all the semicolons? A semicolon separates two independent sentences, just like a period would. Also, when two pieces of dialogue that are independent sentences spoken by the same person are separated by a explanatory statement you use a period not a comma. Just take a look at my edits and you'll see what I'm talking about. I hope I don't sound like a dick I just wanted to explain all those edits I made to your story (which I loved!) HumboldtLycanthrope (talk) 03:08, July 27, 2015 (UTC)

I am so, so, so terribly sorry that you didn't like my story that was influenced by Eminem's song Stan and Ricardo Lopez (The Bjork Stalker) ... I am so sorry that my writing did not please you and that you took the time to criticize it in a non-constructive matter. I am also sorry that you missed the point of people being suffering from obsession and mental disorders. With all due respect, I admire your  opinion and hope the best for you. Good luck.

Craneknewitt (talk) 04:29, July 31, 2015 (UTC)

Craneknewitt

.............. Really?

If they delete it, they delete it. And then you can throw confetti and be happy about it. The only thing I was doing was experimenting with a form of meta storytelling. Again, it was just an experiment. It was not me trolling or being an asshole, just exploring the depths of how some people take writing creepypastas to an extreme. And honey, you're preaching the choir because I've lived with the same troubles as well. This isn't me being butt-hurt, just asking that if you have a concern about a story I've posted to please do it in a polite manner. Thank you. 

I sure will!

Good to see you again, feels like it's been a while. I'll take a look at your story later tonight or tomorrow. I also have a new one up too, a stand alone called Queen Justine and the Cutest Little Shing. If you get a chance to look that over, I too would appreciate some feedback.

--Banningk1979 (talk) 22:16, September 12, 2015 (UTC)

A quick favor

Hey there,


I was wondering if you would be able to help me with a story in WW. It's titled Voice Messages.  If you can it would be splendid.


Thanks,


JohnathanNash (talk) 21:48, September 13, 2015 (UTC)

Good ol' Secret Bar

Thanks for reading that one, I appreciate the feedback. Secret Bar was actually my first published pasta on this site, so back then, I was a little sloppy with the grammar. At the time, I wasn't sure how the story would stack up to other pastas, or what the community would even make of it. 

Either way, if you want to take a stab at correcting some errors, please feel free. Again, thanks for reading and reviewing.

Banningk1979 (talk) 00:58, October 7, 2015 (UTC)

I will certainly check them out

I'll take a look at your stories soon. As for smart phone advice, you probably picked one of the least tech savy guys in the world to ask that question, but I am pretty good with my Android, so as long as that's the smart phone in question, I might be able to help.

Best,

K. Banning Kellum (talk) 01:13, October 7, 2015 (UTC)

A little Feedback

Hey Umbrello,

I have just posted a story in WW titled Bedtime for my Daughter. I am thinking about using it in the contest and want to know what the general feel for it is. If you could spare a few minutes of your time to look it over that would be great.

Thanks,

JohnathanNash (talk) 03:18, October 7, 2015 (UTC)

Story

So, I dislike doing this (hence I'm only going to past this to three people, you being one of them), especially for an unfinished story, but this is one that feedback is very important on. I've gone ahead and uploaded the first three chapters of Oceanic to the writer's workshop, and I was wondering if you could give it a look. I haven't exactly had decades of free time to write, but I'd love any feedback I received.

http://creepypasta.wikia.com/wiki/Thread:502601 ShawnHowellsCP (talk) 06:03, October 8, 2015 (UTC)

Videos and You

Hey, was looking through PotM noms and saw you've been nominated (and narrated). EmpyrealInvective (talk) 18:59, October 10, 2015 (UTC)

Yup, I turned it up earlier today and figured you might like to give it a listen. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 19:11, October 10, 2015 (UTC)


Hey, I wanted to thank you for helping me with my post in writers workshop. Also upon investigation of your profile I had the pleasure of learning that you are the writer of NO RIGHT TURN ON RED. It is a routine (nearly set in stone) for me to listen to creepypastas by a select few narrarators (creepsmcpasta being one of them)  as I fall asleep. I remember listening to your story either the day of or after it was submitted in youtube. You would be happy to know that I got through the entire thing and played another one before falling asleep xD. It was very captivating.

AlwaysStayIrrelevant (talk) 04:05, October 28, 2015 (UTC)

If you ever get really bored check out my other piece Family of Three plus One. Be warned, it needs some editing too xD. As for your work, "Please Take Just One" is beckoning to me. Something about the name is really dragging me in.

AlwaysStayIrrelevant (talk) 05:52, October 28, 2015 (UTC)

Commence the Halloweens

Hey, just noticed another narration of yours. (Please Take One). Thought you'd like to know. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 02:18, October 29, 2015 (UTC)

I-it's not like I'm constantly googling CP stories right now on the off-chance a good one (like yours) is featured by a well-known narrator... I swear! EmpyrealInvective (talk) 03:43, October 29, 2015 (UTC)

You're Welcome.

I like the sees of creepiness in Memento Mori, I loved this story.

Don't worry, you need not know about me.

xXAce_MNoDeadXx 03:47, November 6, 2015 (UTC)

Oceanic

Hello, Umbrello. Oceanic, a story you helped give insight towards whilst in the Writer's Workshop, has been fully finished an uploaded. I was hoping you could take a look at the story when you had the time. Thank you. ShawnHowellsCP (talk) 02:30, November 10, 2015 (UTC)

So, would you consider reading my story and giving your opinion once I have addressed the issues from the feedback I received from the admin who deleted it to let me know your opinion on if the story at least works or not please? (of course if you can pull yourself away from final fantasy XIV ^_^) 1nnocenteyes (talk) 23:54, November 12, 2015 (UTC)

Thank you! 1nnocenteyes (talk) 00:07, November 13, 2015 (UTC)

No problem

I'll take a look at it and throw some of my famous opinion around. Sounds like fun!

K. Banning Kellum (talk) 04:08, November 15, 2015 (UTC)

I hadn't. Thanks!

Looks like he did one of The Lonely Stars too. Shadowswimmer77 (talk) 01:02, November 16, 2015 (UTC)

Hello. I wondered... After you replied to my post the other day. I have been given permission to post my story to the main site as long as my punctuation issues were addressed. Well, I "think" they have been. I went over the story and made what I believe to be the necessary improvements, but what I need is an experienced pair of eyes to skim through and check for any obvious punctuation mistakes. Would you be willing to do this when you have time? If so, thank you very much in advance. My story is on the WW board and called "Are you Coming Upstairs". 1nnocenteyes (talk) 21:19, November 16, 2015 (UTC)

) Thank you very much!! I appreciate you taking the time.

Clarification

I have absolutely no clue where you got the idea that I called you an idiot from. I simply said it was improper, as I've had very similar issues pointed out with my older stories that I fixed, and said what they cause when someone reads them. I then moved to pointing out hypocrisy on their end, and that the thread shouldn't have been made. Fact is, it was jumping all over the place, and difficult to even keep track of by the end. I very clearly said I didn't think anyone was an idiot for the way they speak, and honestly, I'm dumbfounded that it became such a big issue on that thread, when it wasn't even a major, nor a minor point on my end. It was simply something thrown in alongside them. The confusion should be cleared up, and that's the point of this post. I never said you were an idiot, nor doubted your maturity. Same can be said for any other user. ShawnHowellsCP (talk) 20:24, November 22, 2015 (UTC)

Re, Re, Interview 1503: Louis Arlington

I thank you, good sir, for commenting on the revised version of my story, Interview 1503: Louis Arlington.

I agree with all that you've said, as I should've worked out more backstory, but I do have one question.

You said that I should create paragraphs out of the spoken parts and the 'normal' written parts.

I did try this when I first posted this story on the wiki, and with my second story, but the moderators keep deleting the paragraphs making them a wall of text causing me to assume that creating paragraphs is a taboo on this website.

I was just wondering, am I correct in this matter?

EDIT: I don't believe there were any arrows, but thanks to one of the moderators on the wiki I found a way to make the actual code look less ugly but keep the different paragraphs. It was all a mistake on my end.

As for the late response, do not worry good sir, I am sure you have far more important things to do :3

And I would also like to thank you for your feedback, as I believe I hadn't done that yet. It was good, constructive criticism and I appreciate that.

DarkAreTheTales (talk) 06:30, November 23, 2015 (UTC)

Hi, just a question. What does one do if you come across a story on the site that you suspect does not meet quality standards? I was browsing random pastas and came across one that I was surprised was even up to be honest due to a lot of mistakes. Do I just leave it? I don't want to offend anyone, but I was surprised that it was there that is all.

Sorry about that

Thank you very much for your help. Also, are normal members allowed to edit obvious mistakes, like punctuation etc... or is it only for the admins? Because some stories are really quite good but the punctuation makes them hard to read.

Thanks :) And sorry I will make sure I do from now on 1nnocenteyes (talk) 15:34, December 3, 2015 (UTC)

Re:

Done. If you ever feel like coming back and re-working them, just let us know if you don't have hard copies and we can provide you with them. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 22:29, December 11, 2015 (UTC)

I'll show you mine if you show me yours

Of course I'd love to read your new pasta, Umby, old buddy, old pal. Wanna have take a peak at some seriously weird and zany NSFP shit I just unleashed? A Noel in Black Seasons bleedings!HumboldtLycanthrope (talk) 02:57, December 20, 2015 (UTC)

   I see you have mastered the semicolon. Good job!HumboldtLycanthrope (talk) 03:31, December 20, 2015 (UTC)

                  I beg your pardon, that paragraph is perfect!  It is my montage that redeems all the silliness of the story. Lots of writers do it. Take a look at the lastcouple pages of Bret Easton Ellis' Lunar Park. It does look shocking though, doesn't it. He he he, more reason to leave it the way it is. HumboldtLycanthrope (talk) 03:36, December 20, 2015 (UTC)

Please delete this story called Teligamathy. —Preceding unsigned comment added by Whenwillwesee (talkcontribs).

Yeah Umbrello, we don't pay you nothing to loaf around all day... Wait... EmpyrealInvective (talk) 22:49, December 23, 2015 (UTC)
I better be gettin dat christmas bonus! Umbrello (talk) 23:46, December 23, 2015 (UTC)
We'll take what we're paying you and double it! EmpyrealInvective (talk) 23:50, December 23, 2015 (UTC)

The art of critiques

Hello Umby. This may sound strange, but I'd like to ask for some advice on how to form a valid opinion on a story. 

Ever since I began reading pastas, I wouldn't put much thought into judging them. I'd understand the plot and characters well and have a certain opinion on whether the language use was appropriate or not, but to me (unless it was obviously a crappypasta) pretty much every story is considered 'good'. When commenting on stories, I always pick out the positive elements not because I'm trying to be optimistic, but mainly because I'm worried that something I may see as a negative might appear completely acceptable to the general reader opinion.

I'll admit something. When I first read the notoriously hated original Jeff the Killer story, I wasn't 'disgusted by the terrible quality of writing' or anything like that. What? How could one not be repulsed by such awful writing immediately upon reading it? I just wasn't even thinking in that direction in that moment. I was literally like, 'not that scary, but cool story'. Nothing more. But as I became more submerged in the community, I noticed people bashing it left and right, pointing out all the million things wrong with it. For a long time, if anyone asked for my opinion, I might join in the hate but I couldn't see what all the fuss was about for a while. Furthermore, many supposedly 'brilliant' pastas sent to me were overrated in my opinion. Then I began to wonder, if I couldn't even tell the difference between what people love and hate here, how am I supposed to form a valid opinion about a story? (But I do realise some people are just over exaggerating and following the crowd and it may not be their true opinion on a story)

Is it just lack of experience? I've noticed that your critiques are rather more... critical (in a constructive way, of course). For example, I noticed myself going into that unopinionated trance while reading the new Jeff the Killer 2015. Since it was Banning, I automatically assumed it was going to be loved, and I wrote a comment about what I thought was good about the story. When I read your comment, my opinion on the story changed because I realised that I agreed with many of the things you said and the story had many more flaws than I was able to pick out. I'm good at picking out positives of a story but I find it difficult to be critical and 'correct' in a sense of being justified and on the side of the majority.

So I'd like to know, how do you judge?

Rinskuro13 (talk) 12:03, December 25, 2015 (UTC)

Thank you so much for taking the time and effort to explain this to me. I assure you I have read every word and now have an idea of how to put this information into practice. You gave me an insightful review into how you judge not just pastas but life in general and I am grateful for it. It will also be a good reference if I come to hosting a competition (maybe in the far future though, after I build my confidence by extending my reading).
Rinskuro13 (talk) 09:00, December 30, 2015 (UTC)

Out of curiosity, does your avatar come from the manga Uzumaki? 

Pasta Review Request

Hello, Umbrello. My newest story, In Torment 4, has been uploaded to the main site, and I'm positive that due to the size it will not get much criticism. As a result, I'm requesting reviews and insight from people that reviewed previous installments of the series, or helped the series grow. You provided help when Oceanic was in the Writer's Workshop, and I'd like you to know that this story focuses on many of the same characters as that story did. Thank you for reading. ShawnHowellsCP (talk) 10:01, March 9, 2016 (UTC)

Hey, Umbrello. I recently posted a story in the writer's workshop called The Surface Pro 4. I have read your review on the hookup, and I was wondering if you could give critique on my story. Thank you.

Creeper50 (talk) 21:24, March 9, 2016 (UTC)Creeper50

A Fresh Grave

Hello, I'm Dee Dust and I make narration videos on YouTube. I was wondering if I could have your permission to do one of "A Fresh Grave"? I just like the way you know what's going to happen, but you actually really don't know until the last line. I have a link to my channel in my profile if you'd like to see a few samples, and I do have ads enable. With your permission I will credit you as the author and leave a link to the page here for any viewers to follow. Thanks for the consideration! DeeDust (talk) 02:41, May 19, 2016 (UTC)

Thanks! Just wanted to let you know that I've finished and uploaded the video. https://youtu.be/olLT_QAzBtQ DeeDust (talk) 18:45, May 19, 2016 (UTC)

Hello again! So, I was under the impression that I narrated your story "Arms" as well a while back but when I went through my channel I didn't see it up so I had to rectify that: https://youtu.be/OGdYUFnIP1E  Also, I have been listening to The Gary Oldman song for an hour straight now. Why? DeeDust (talk) 21:06, July 22, 2018 (UTC)

Re: Noticed Something

I haven't really noticed the images' faults until now. I mostly browse on my PC and don't really pay much attention to Wikia's mobile version, so there's a small chance I'd now it on my own. Thanks for telling me though, I'm getting on it. Might give these pictures some drop shadow or something like an outline to contrast them from Wikia mobile's white background.

P.S. You should center the images on your profile page Umby. And leave a small gap between the pictures. Your profile page looks cluttered as of now, to be honest.

RuckusQuantum 09:25, June 21, 2016 (UTC)

Re: Something need doing? (And other Peon quotes)

I'll likely remove them with the other unused images before I head out for the day, there really isn't much rush as they can be tracked down in the "unused files" section (mostly memes and poor OC art for stories that were deleted long ago if you were wondering). EmpyrealInvective (talk) 04:41, June 30, 2016 (UTC)

Deleted the duplicate files. As for the mobile formatting thing you posted about, I don't think I can help you there. I used this template {{Clear}} on my Narration page to keep stuff from spilling over and staying level (Without it the images were offset due to dropping down a line), but I don't think that'll help much here. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 06:13, June 30, 2016 (UTC)

Fixin' your talkpage

I see that you have already edited your profile page. It looks much much better now, though I did some slight adjustments. I decreased the spacing size (from "large" to "medium") to make the gaps between the pictures uniform. I also removed the "Add Picture" or something button to make it look less amateurish. It's nothing much Umby. I'm sorry if I did mistakes. You can revert my edit if you see detrimental or something.

P.S. To add images to the gallery, always edit your profile page in 'classic' editor. I find adding pictures on visual editor quite confusing and difficult... It's for our own good Umby.

RuckusQuantum 03:43, July 2, 2016 (UTC)

Re

Oh, no. Thanks a lot for rearranging my narrations. It looks much better, and I learned something new. GreyOwl (talk) 00:55, July 3, 2016 (UTC)

hey youre the guy i got into a accidental argyment with i just am going to say sorry. ATR2004 (talk) 15:03, July 4, 2016 (UTC)

Japanese Translation

Umbrello, I really enjoyed reading "Arms", so I started to translate it into Japanese, but I realized I should have asked for permission first. Here is what I have so far, it's currently a work in progress: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1MmIlEEotWpRfZHvshCw3oDIb9aXDGRgkilbAfzcTmEA/edit

I was hoping to turn it into a YouTube video (with no monetization, just for fun) so Japanese scary story lovers could hear your story and be introduced to Creepypastas (as there are few translations of them out there). Is it okay to continue translating and eventually make a Creepypasta reading for YouTube? Of course, I would properly credit and link back to you for the final version.

(Note: On the Google Doc, some of the sentences have 2 versions, because I got help from Lang-8 users. I have to decide which version to use by the end and get a final check with a tutor as I am not fluent. The users had an excited reaction and couldn't wait for me to continue translating and even bugged me about it on unrelated journals on my profile.)

PorchPuppy (talk) 12:29, July 21, 2016 (UTC)

Archive

Your talk page has gone too long, you know? You might want to archive this one.

RuckusQuantum 13:31, July 30, 2016 (UTC)

Questions for translation

I'm still working on the Japanese translation for "Arms" (it's about half done because I keep switching between projects), but I have a couple questions.

1. I'm not a curtain expert, so I want to make sure. When you say the "shades were pulled/closed/up", you mean solid blinds (the ones that hang like a roll), right?

2. For the sentence "His presence was thick and suffocating; almost intoxicatingly so," "intoxicating" is confusing to translate for my bilingual Japanese helpers and me. Honestly, I don't understand what it means in English. When I look up the word in the English or Japanese dictionary, I get things like "exhilarating, exciting, spell binding, enraptured, overwhelming" in addition to mentioning being drunk. I ended up writing, "His presence was strong and suffocating to the point I was seized by fear" in Japanese, but I don't know if that is the meaning you intended. Moreover, the Japanese correctors couldn't figure out the meaning at all as it's an uncommon word. Could you rewrite the sentence for me for translation purposes or just describe it clearer?

PorchPuppy (talk) 20:35, August 6, 2016 (UTC)

Japanese Translation Finished

Hi, I finished the translation of "Arms". I made two versions of Google documents you can view, the first is English and Japanese (dual version), the second is only Japanese.

"Arms" Japanese Translation (Dual Version): https://docs.google.com/document/d/1GL_jkUDrSxPGRM8aoR_ZZh4dulJZ-HOVN-BSAaL62DA/edit?usp=sharing

"Arms" Japanese Translation: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1R44_riJtQUp4At33I9fAT6IVe_yXPpWDcJrhzwx-EmI/edit?usp=sharing

The translation is yours now, so you can post it wherever you want if you decide to. ^^ Thanks for letting me translate your story!

PorchPuppy (talk) 00:04, September 17, 2016 (UTC)

Lucy Juicy

Is this the story you're looking for? linkie-link

This is a screenshot of the story. Unfortunately it was too long, so I captured only the first part here.

You can if you want go here and mock post the story (enter the story + preview). If you need anything else, ask away.

I'm in a rush so apologies for not helping out more. MrDupin (talk) 11:52, October 18, 2016 (UTC)

It's JayAman. I don't think there will be an issue if you credit them. It is up to you. Personally, I would credit them in the description, but take the credit down if the author requests so. MrDupin (talk) 07:46, October 19, 2016 (UTC)

Next Contestant

No. I'm not talking about the Nickelback song. I just thoughtthis might be a worthy contender for your next 'Deleted Creepypasta Theater' reading. I know it was technically not deleted, only posted to the Writer Workshop, but it's so bad that you'd be making a mistake not to read it.  Anyway, keep it up! It's fucking hilarious. I might have to deliberately write a horrible story just so that I might get some of my work on youtube one day...

Everyone is a monster to someone. 12:15, October 21, 2016 (UTC)

Theater

Hi Umby. Recently I was rummaging through my hard drive, and I found a copy of a deleted story. For some reason it has struck a chord with me. It's not the type of story you narrate, but I thought I'd share it with you since it's a very good laugh. As it's very short, maybe you could do a special, but I don't know why you'd want that. Anyway, enjoy! MrDupin (talk) 15:05, October 23, 2016 (UTC)

Re: View

Unfortunately I'm a bit burnt out from watching a bunch of creepy pasta short movies today. I may try to get to it later, but no promises since I'm not really a fan of OC-style stories and probably won't have great advice to give. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 20:50, October 23, 2016 (UTC)

Author

It's this guy. MrDupin (talk) 23:22, December 24, 2016 (UTC)

Drop a link when it's up and I'll be sure to check it out. Happy holidays. MrDupin (talk) 00:28, December 25, 2016 (UTC)

Emp Talks Movies!

Yeah, I saw that one recently... I was tempted to put it on the Meh Monday list due to its issues. The actress in it has been having some rough selections as she was in "Pay the Ghost" with Nicholas Cage too. That being said, I'm batting a pretty strike-out average with movies lately (not that I expected them to be good, but they all seemed like these horror movies should have been released in January.) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 19:17, December 25, 2016 (UTC)

Yeah, piece of advice, "Shut In" isn't even good as a 'so bad it's entertaining movie'. It's got quite a lot of issues and none of them are even really riff-able. I'd just ignore it all-together or scour the interwebz for it for free. I haven't seen Dream House (although with your recent comment about Naomi Watts and movies lately, I'm not sure what to expect), but I'll try to look it up when I get some more free time. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 19:29, December 25, 2016 (UTC)
Alright, will do. That said, I still can't recommend Shut-In (you can watch one of the numerous reviews of it (I enjoyed RedLetterMedia's pitchfork and torch session myself). A final note, thanks for stepping in on that thread. Unfortunately it is a bit easy for me to get caught up in the moment with typing out a review and having it glossed over/ignored. One of the things I'm working on and trying to catch before it spirals out of hand. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 19:36, December 25, 2016 (UTC)

RE

That was amazing!! I laughed so fucking hard I hurt myself. You gotta start doing this shit with puppets. Loved the pictures, too. That bookstore in Old Town used to be a real famous whorehouse that Jack London hung out in, btw.

Priceless, man. Thanks!

Jimmy Werewolf, aka, HumboldtLycanthrope (talk) 00:43, January 8, 2017 (UTC)

                         I've got some friends who do puppet videos, you should get a kick out of this: Groovy Heads, they even got paid to make a video for a marijanna dispensary: Game of StonedHumboldtLycanthrope (talk) 18:22, January 8, 2017 (UTC)

Re: Credit

Lucy Juicy by JayAman
Cyber by EnderLord213
The Real Expedition Everest by Jakewells27
Doctor Clock-eye by Bamboorat
Room 58 by CreepierThanCreepy
"Jessica" - My Sister's Little Teddy Bear Creepypasta by Mr.ScaryPasta (please confirm)
The Night Ariana Grande Stayed at My Hotel by PleaseDontTurnAround (reddit post)
The House of Broken Rules by blackeyes1 (needs confirmation.)
Devilish Thought by NarutoChroniclesX
Splitter by IntroducingDiscord

Hope that's what you were looking for. I can did up author links if need be as well. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 21:12, May 10, 2017 (UTC)

I meant just visit the page and confirm that that's the right story as "Ariana Grand" apparently is a trending theme with her and hotels and there are a few stories (it seems) with that title, one just subs out Ariana with "superstar". Just thought I'd mention that before you gave any credit so you're not attributing someone to story that wasn't involved in writing it. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 21:33, May 10, 2017 (UTC)
No problem, I could probably dig up some interesting ones to do. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 00:35, May 11, 2017 (UTC)

Sending tonight

Hey, I'll email you article tonight. 

K. Banning Kellum (talk) 03:04, May 23, 2017 (UTC)

Re: Vidcall

Thanks for bringing that one to my attention. It's definitely got it's fair share of issues. Lemme know if there's anything else you're needed. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 00:42, June 12, 2017 (UTC)

A strange request...

Good whateverthetimeofthedayitis, fellow Fugman cultist. I have a rather weird request for you, I only ask cause I think you're the only one capable of doing it. Can you and will you make a Fugman cat? And if I may make an inspirational suggestion...

I'm the Hand of God. The one where he holds the spear 18:16, June 29, 2017 (UTC)



Hello!

How are you?

Heeere's Hailey! Wanna Talk? 21:56, July 1, 2017 (UTC)



Reply to "Meep! Meep! I'm a Sheep!" Message

Hey there! So I'm working on a story called Sunny Hill Farms and I'm currently working on the second act of the story. I got some feedback on it on a writer's workshop Reddit and the flaw with the story so far is that the opening had too many unnecessary details. I went back and eliminated most of them and scaled back some other details that didn't get cut, as I feel like some context is important. If you would like to look at what I have so far, click here!

Heeere's Hailey! Wanna Talk? 16:08, July 2, 2017 (UTC)



Reply to "Here's my Feedback!" Message

Thank you for your feedback! (This is going to be my catchphrase for when I get feedback. Pretty creative I know!) I started going back and making changes to the story based on what you wrote. Examples of this include shortening the bike retrieval scene and adding a short monologue about how the first answer was odd. The only thing I need to do now is figure out where to put details like the truck in the story. I'm also trying to figure out where adding more of the character's thoughts and feelings would be appropriate. One idea I had was to have James (the protagonist) react to Becky talking about Lorenzo the farmhand. So this is how I think it should go:

("Farmhand?" I thought to myself, "You mean there's other people working here? If that's the case, where are they?")

I won't spoil too much for the later parts of the story but let's just say things get a bit hectic.

I'm working on a story that I'm considering turning into a novel. It's a romantic comedy where the first half of the story will focus on developing the main character while the second half will focus on developing the other main character. One of the goals of the story is to have the leads be well developed and interesting since the main couple is a big part of a rom-com story if my research is correct. The story is currently in the plot outline phase and if you're interested in knowing more about the story let me know.

Heeere's Hailey! Wanna Talk? 03:09, July 7, 2017 (UTC)

Umbrello


I am currently working on starting a youtube page where I will be narrating creepy pastas and other twisted stories.  I would like to request permission to narrate your story No Right Turn On Red and possible some of your other stories.  I love this story and would be honored at the opertunity to narrate it.  Would this be ok with you?  If you would like to speak to me or ask any questions you can email me at quipsterpuck@gmail.com


Thank you

QuipsterPuck (talk) 21:26, July 13, 2017 (UTC)Quipster Puck

Yo

It's Callie, btw. Just a new account. Again.

Anyhow, if you still do reviews and stuff, mind taking a peek at my new work: Hollyharson Manor? Your Friendly Neighborhood Toddler (talk) 22:23, August 26, 2017 (UTC)

Alright, thanks! I'm still getting back into the groove myself. Your Friendly Neighborhood Toddler (talk) 01:14, August 28, 2017 (UTC)

Awkwardness

So... I've noticed your avatar (Don't as =k me how long I missed that) and have plans to watch the movies Uzumaki vs. Tomie for one of the Showdown Saturdays this Horr-tacular (don't judge me, I'll stumble into a good name eventually). I was wondering if that's a good choice or if you know any other Ito-inspired movies I should focus on above those. A shame to say this, but I went on a real Ito-bender, but didn't locate everything so please let me know if I'm missing a "Gyo" or "Hellstar Remina" that I should be looking at. Glad to see you back around. Hope to get your help. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 04:02, October 2, 2017 (UTC)

Things and Stuff

Hey Umby, I saw your comment about harassing a homosexual. If it's not much trouble, can you point me to that thread? I know it's disgusting of me, but I totally forgot I did anything like that. I want to see what I did/said to avoid doing that again.

By the way, can you shoot me an email at mrdupincp@gmail.com? I have been meaning to feature you on the front page for the Featured Author thing we have been doing for a while, and now you're here I would like to get a means of contacting you. Thanks! MrDupin (talk) 12:48, October 2, 2017 (UTC)

Thank God for Trump. That's what you meant, right?
Top-notch humor aside, I will shoot you an email within the week, once I take care of some stuff. Cheerios! MrDupin (talk) 19:05, October 2, 2017 (UTC)

Great video!

Hey, thanks for making the video. It was hilarious! Glad my story made the cut.

Best,

K. Banning Kellum (talk) 04:03, October 7, 2017 (UTC)

Categories

Hey, I just thought I'd let you know that we recently decided to create an author category for users who have 10+ stories posted on the wiki. Feel free to check out that link and message one of us admins/leave a post on the forum if you have any interest. Also, if you happen to know anyone who has 10+ stories on the wiki and meets the criteria, would ya mind dropping me a line as I'm drawing a bit of a blank? Have a good one. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 00:36, October 18, 2017 (UTC)

Umbrello stays #Lit

Custom signature? pfft, as if I were that creative (talk) 22:30, December 14, 2017 (UTC)

Re: Magica eMpoka at your service

My wand's broken, but I don't think any admin is going to see much issue in me creating your category. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 21:47, December 21, 2017 (UTC)

Done! It was no problem, really. Attempts a curtsy, gets tripped up in his short, hot pink skirt. See ya around on the site. Have a good one. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 21:54, December 21, 2017 (UTC)

Hi Umbrello, It's me Icydice. I tried doing your advice for my story, having the child ask santa for help. Here's what I came up with

dear santa. i hope you and the reindeer are doing ok. i know that you are busy with the other kids so i wont ask for alot. all i really want for christmas is my dad to be ok. its been a while since mommy left and daddy has not been the same. he yells alot more now and hurts me. i dont know why but i just want it to stop. please help my daddy santa. its all i want.

love,

sarah


--Custom signature? pfft, as if I were that creative (talk) 18:43, December 24, 2017 (UTC)

That probably would go well in the end. I think I'll proofread once more before trying to post.

Ps, I'd say racoons count.

--Custom signature? pfft, as if I were that creative (talk) 19:33, December 24, 2017 (UTC)

Icy Returns!

Hello Umbrello (it rhymes!) I was wondering if you were knowledgeable in journal pastas. If so, I was wondering if you could help me with a project?


Custom signature? pfft, as if I were that creative (talk) 23:38, December 31, 2017 (UTC)


Alright, thanks. I can link the story I suppose, and then afterwords try to find someone with journal experience (just for the best feedback. Not saying yours is any less effective, you're an incredible writer with loads of skill).

http://creepypasta.wikia.com/wiki/Thread:601474

Hi

Hey, I know you're probably busy as hell but I was wondering if you could do me a small favor by the way. I normally don't like asking for this, but could you look at my story All Too Human? It's 4,000 words and I consider it the best story I've written as of late. I was just wondering if you could maybe review it before it gets lost in the many pages of this wiki? I'd appreciate it a lot. You don't have to do it today of course, whenever you are open and it's convenient for you of course.

Laziness

Nahh, that's not lazy. You're just taking care of the priorities, ya know? xD


Seriously though, no rush. None at all :)

Custom signature? pfft, as if I were that creative (talk) 00:14, January 5, 2018 (UTC)

Random Title

Heya Umby, just wanted to let you know that you don't gotta do the review if you don't want to, it looks like it's gotten comments with some. 


Also wanted to stop by and say hi


Custom signature? pfft, as if I were that creative (talk) 00:59, January 19, 2018 (UTC)

Oh.. I thought you were like 19 lol

Custom signature? pfft, as if I were that creative (talk) 21:24, January 21, 2018 (UTC)

Steamed Hams

Go check out Widward's "top ten worst creepypastas" blog. I left you a surprise there! (Honestly I hope it came out funny. Sometimes I struggle with requests because the inspiration came from a third party.) Either way, I live to serve, so, request fulfilled. 

Best,

K. Banning Kellum (talk) 06:23, January 23, 2018 (UTC)

Umbrella? No! Umbrello!

Well I can certainly tell! Not that it's a bad thing of course. You seem like a really fun guy. Thanks for making my entrance into this wikia more enjoyable. Also thank you for reading some of my stories and helping me with a few of them. 


Custom signature? pfft, as if I were that creative (talk) 02:59, January 24, 2018 (UTC)

Hey just so ya know CreepsMcPasta read  "Dog Children"

Custom signature? pfft, as if I were that creative (talk) 03:12, February 1, 2018 (UTC)

Thanks for the grats. I'll try the anime you mentioned for sure.

Custom signature? pfft, as if I were that creative (talk) 02:58, February 2, 2018 (UTC)

Long response

Hi Umbrello, thanks for the review. I know they're quite a few grammar errors in the story and I'll find them, I just felt like I needed to get the story out quickly because I'm falling behind in school work and I wanted to get help with the plot/story first so I can have time to spare for grammar.



The skin thing was quite weird and I do agree it seems out of place. A few years ago it was a really disgusting nervous tick of mind that I eventually got help getting rid of. I don't know why it came to mind during a nervous scene, I think nail biting will do the trick better.



The woman did kind of disappear and that was odd now that you bring it up. I wasn't sure how many words the story would end up being but now that I know I can probably fit in a conversation in that area.  As for Max's behavior, I was going for there being no real reason for his abuse. He took advantage of Mary's insecurities and loneliness and the Alchohpl fueled his abusive side, yet he was always able to count on her crawling back to him with a few sweet words (until the end). 



Helel's contest was a randomely picked song that we kind of had to write a theory pasta about the origin of it and the message. Not an excuse, its just I've never written like this before and I can't really come up with better ideas for the song than that, but I'll keep thinking on it. I guess the theory/mysterious origin of is why it's shaped like a Wikipedia article at parts, but I'll definetely work on that. I was going for the whole omniscient narrator thing but I'll also work on that as well using your suggestions. Sorry for the long response here, thanks again!


Edit, I read over the whole thing last night and knocked out what I beleive to be most of the grammar issues. I put a little more humanity into the intro/outro but for the most part it's about the same. I think it's just the way I prefer it but thanks for the suggestion. I changed the lip part and as for the woman in the bedroom I put in a short segment where it was made clear she left thre building. Thanks for the review and help Umby!


Ps, sorry for such a long response.

Custom signature? pfft, as if I were that creative (talk) 03:54, February 7, 2018 (UTC)

A favor

Hey Umbry,

Was wondering if you’d be able to review my story for the contest? If you are it’s titled Papa Legba and is in the WW.

Thanks,

JohnathanNash (talk) 04:20, February 7, 2018 (UTC)

Thanks man. I think the Nanny Cam story has some real good potential, so don’t just toss it aside. That will be a fun one to read when all is said and done.

Best,

JohnathanNash (talk) 17:24, February 7, 2018 (UTC)

Hello

Hi Umbrello! Thanks for your input on the story. Sorry if it isn't that great. It was something I put into writers workshop about two months ago so sorry if it seems like it took inspiration from Nanny cam, I wrote this well before that was put up. I thought it would be a good idea to upload because the post I put in the workshop was well received. I think the main problem is that this isn't my style and the way I usually write is mixing in with the second person, which probably isn't a good thing. Sorry again, I thought that since it got positive feedback in the workshop it would be worth uploading.

On a side note, I'm making final revisions to the contest story you reviewed. I'm adding a little bit, getting rid of the outro and fixing grammar errors. I can tell you when that's done if you like?

--Custom signature? pfft, as if I were that creative (talk) 21:39, February 14, 2018 (UTC)

Alright, finished up the edits. I believe I got rid of most of the grammar errors, and I wiped away the ending reducing it from 4,900 words to 4,600 http://creepypasta.wikia.com/wiki/Thread:605063

The empire strikes back!


Funny, that was exactly what I thought it to be. I remembered everyone liking that movie though. Sorry if it's a bit of a let down, but I'm prob gonna go with it. Part three will be longer and involve a lot more story now that the characters are established. I'll look over the writing a few more times and perfect it. This is gonna be epic umbrellBRO!

I'm gonna wait for one or two more credible opionions before posting. I actually really like what I've done (for once) --Custom signature? pfft, as if I were that creative (talk) 04:29, February 18, 2018 (UTC)



Try to think of it as build up to an amazing conclusion rather than a cliffhanger

Iron men will ascend, but fingerbread men will crumble

Hey, thanks for letting me know. I'm not sure how I missed that. How's life treating you?

Custom signature? pfft, as if I were that creative (talk) 20:59, February 18, 2018 (UTC)

Heya umbrellbro, just wanted to let you know I released two sequels to All Too Human incase you were interested in it?

Custom signature? pfft, as if I were that creative (talk) 18:28, March 2, 2018 (UTC)

To find the doctor

Thanks for the comment on Less Than Human. I hope it was ok to read. 

Custom signature? pfft, as if I were that creative (talk) 20:29, March 5, 2018 (UTC)

Heyo

Thanks for reading the parts. Sorry the third one wasn't as good for you as the first two, but I'm glad you enjoyed the first two.

Custom signature? pfft, as if I were that creative (talk) 17:28, March 6, 2018 (UTC)


Hey, I recently read your short story called A Fresh Grave' and I loved it! Being interested in writing myself, particularly supernatural/horror stories, I found yours to be incredibly engaging and original. Anyway, to get to the point, I am a amateur filmmaker and I was wondering if I would be able to adapt your story into a short film? I will give you full credit for the original story of course and some aspects will probably have to be changed and added for it to work well on screen and to fit a director's vision. I'm not sure if it will be entered into film festivals or not (if you allow me to make it), but I guess it depends on the final product. If you have questions or need more information, you can reach me through my account. If not, thank you for your time. :)



Adammsingleton (talk) 14:44, March 7, 2018 (UTC)

compliments on your channel

Hey Umby, I just wanted to say I recently discovered your Youtube channel and it's hilarious.

HopelessNightOwl (talk) 01:42, April 3, 2018 (UTC)

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