Hi, welcome to Creepypasta Wiki! Thanks for your edit to the Thread:682130#4|Something Familiar (Unreviewed) page.
Please be sure to read all of the Site Rules, as it is important to follow them. Failure to abide by them may result in your account being blocked.
Read some new pastas by checking out the article index or browse by topic by checking out the Genre Listing. You can also read some of the best stories our wiki has to offer by checking out Suggested Reading. Finally, you can check out stories written by authors of the wiki in User Stories.
If you're looking to post a story here, I would first suggest taking your draft to the Writer's Workshop for feedback. It is a good place to get a review for your story and to learn more about our quality standards.
Please leave a message on my talk page if I can help with anything!
First of all, thank you for taking the time to leave a lengthy, well-thought-out, and respectful critique of my draft.
Regarding your points:
The paragraphs were the easiest to fix.
Upon another read-through, I personally didn't find the number of dialogue tag modifiers to be excessive.
I also couldn't find any adverbs or use of the term 'was' that seemed inappropriate. As for filter words, I removed two instances of 'described' and reword those sentences to be more active, but I otherwise couldn't spot anything else out of place.
"Showing, not telling" and avoiding blatant infodumps has always been one of my biggest weaknesses as a writer, and I have no doubt this story suffers from that even if I don't know how to fix it.
I was wondering if you might be willing to do a line by line, at least for the most egregious instances, with suggested fixes?
Before you do though, I should warn you it might be a waste of your time, as I've been known to disregard criticism, offending those who had taken the time to offer it to me.
I can't promise I'll listen to your suggestions, but I would appreciate them regardless.
Once again, thank you very much for your feedback