Your Best Years

Ah, Ms Smith, I presume! Welcome, welcome, please take a seat. You look stunning. What is that sweet aroma I smell, hm? Lemon Glace? Vanilla Quartz? Oh…just soap, you say? Regardless, it suits you to a tee. We are overjoyed to have you here with us tonight.

I believe we met over the, uh…job finders website, correct? Yes, yes, that site is a little…backstreet, compared to our establishment here, but alas, it is patrons without professions that we find we can cater to the most. I have what I understand to be your account here on the computer…KittenLover2004, correct? Wonderful. I see you are wearing the same shade of lipstick as in your profile picture! How exciting!

Come now, there is no need for embarrassment. That chair is composed of the finest leather this hemisphere of the world has to offer, please do not tarnish it with your squirming.

I kid, I kid, of course! Squirm to your heart’s content! Now, we need only a few things before you can begin. Being one of our younger participants, you’ll be entitled to more compensation, as I’m sure you’re glad to hear. Sorry, what was that? Where are the other employees? Well, it’s a late night, and they’ve all gone home, so…just me here tonight, I’m afraid. The majority of our facilities are fully autonomous, so we only ever require a light staffing at any given time. Which is a good thing, of course. Plenty of free space and empty rooms.

You’re going to need sign this document. See, here? We need your full name and date of birth in that little box. Now, I understand the breadth of pages may, at first glance, be a little intimidating, but we will certainly be able to assist you in going over the smaller details of the contract, such as-

Oh, you’ve already signed it. You brought your own pen, eh? Good! I like your enthusiasm, dear! Please, follow me. You’re almost ready to begin.

Those glamourous high heels of yours certainly make their presence known down these corridors, don’t they, sweetheart! All that clacking and echoing. And that velvet dress, it shines beautifully against these bleached-white walls. I must say, you are, by far, one of our best dressed patrons. You clearly wished to make an impression. Smart move. First impressions are the best impressions, I always say! Sometimes the only impressions, come to think of it…

Please ignore any…unsavoury noises coming from any of the passing hallways. We have a collection of animals awaiting transfer, and despite our best efforts to make them as comfortable as possible, they seem quite unhappy. I have suggested to my superiors that we may need to improve their state of living somewhat, but alas, my words seemed to fall on deaf ears. Thankfully, they will not be remaining here for long. It’s quite remarkable how much a simple parrot or crow can sound just like a person, no?

Just around the corner, now…ah, yes, here it is. Room 201. No wait, 102. My mistake. My vision must be failing me, ha-ha! In we go, then!

This room holds a wonderful atmosphere, don’t you think? That shade of blue on the walls has been scientifically calculated by our very own staff to reduce stress by as much as 15 percent. 15 percent! Oh, the miracles of modern science, eh, Ms Smith?

Whenever you’re ready, please take a seat on the chair in the centre of the room. The stain beneath it? Merely a result of faulty piping. We are having it looked at by a professional soon. You can place those high heels of yours into the cabinet on the wall if you are concerned about getting them dirty.

Perfect. Are you sitting comfortably? I must admit, that chair you were seated on back in the reception looked a little more ergonomic. No matter, the procedure will last a matter of minutes, anyway.

Why, I’m not entirely certain what you mean, Ms Smith. We talked about the procedure over the web, did we not? One small procedure, and then you can begin your stay here. It’s custom for all our new participants. You didn't just expect a full-time job on the spot, did you? Not to cause offense, but that seems awfully naïve of you.

I see you’re sweating a little. Here, take my handkerchief. You wouldn’t want to ruin that gorgeous makeup of yours.

Goodness, those locks didn’t catch your fingers, did they? They can be awfully frightful when they activate automatically like that. And your ankles, they are fine too, yes? Wonderful. Oh, come now, don’t struggle. You might break something. And I’m not referring to the machine behind your head.

Frankly, Ms Smith, I don’t exactly see what all this fussing is about. Up to now, you were all smiles and roses, and just as the procedure is about to begin, you wish to leave? I’m afraid I can’t allow that, dear. I’m afraid it's out of my hands. Company policy dictates that once the standard legal contract has been signed, participation is mandatory. Allowing you to leave now would compromise my job, and by extension, my career. You wouldn’t want me to get fired, now would you, Ms Smith?

Come now, Ms Smith, that’s a very rude thing to say about a person! Minutes ago, you were a lady of proper manners! I will have no more of this pointless delaying. Hold still and stare into the sky above you. You do see a sky, don’t you? Ah, the look on your face tells me everything I need to know. Perfect. The first stage has already begun.

What the ‘extractor’ is, Ms Smith, is none of your business. For the last time, you signed a contract. We are operating completely within our own right, regardless of however much pain you claim to be experiencing. I mean, for Pete’s sake, it was written right there on paper! Didn’t anyone tell you to read a contract before signing it, dear?

You promised you’d give us the best years of your life, remember?

Now try to relax. If these readings are correct, you should have already lost feeling from the neck down.